Dear Bella
by Glitterb1234
Summary: What if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What would they be like? Here's my guess.
1. Leaving

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-) !**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (if you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

Dear Bella,

I just left you.

I can't believe I could but I did. It hurts just to remember what you looked like, the way your voice trembeled, the hurt in your eyes. I'm so sorry. More sorry than I can ever tell you. There aren't words for my apologies. They haven't been invented yet.

I don't know what to do now. The others are gone already, and I can't stand to be around any of them. It's not that I don't love them anymore, I do, it's just that... I don't know how to explain it right. There is this hole inside of me that my family can't fill. I think I will travel, be alone for a time. I'll check in every so often, so they won't worry.

I hope you will move on Bella. I can't bear to think of you hurting the way I am, but I don't think there is any other way. I pray that you will find someone to make you happy, someone human who can protect you without endangering your life. I promised you that I would not interfere, and I intend to keep that promise.

I love you. I know it may not seem like it right now, but it's true. It always has been. It always will be

Edward


	2. One Month Apart

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**Here is my second instalment! I will write one for each month they were apart (so 7 letters). Hope you enjoy!**

Dear Bella,

It has been a month since I have seen your face.

Actually, that's not strictly true. You are always there, every time I close my eyes, like your face is tattooed on the inside of my lids. I can't begin to tell you how often that picture has almost swayed me from my decision; you are always smiling in welcome, like you would take me back if I would only come. Well, I am telling you right now, I will not. You deserve more than me, so much more.

Sometimes I think about that. Who would be perfect for my Bella? I think he would have to be someone strong, so he could protect you from yourself. Loving, definitely; human, without question; handsome...maybe. I'm not sure how you feel about looks, but of course, there would be no point if you didn't like him. He would need to be pretty special though, to be worthy of you.

I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't be around the others, not even Alice, though she has always been my best friend. I can't do my favourite things anymore, because they all centre around you or remind me of you. I was thinking I would try tracking; nothing specific, just catching a scent and seeing how long I could follow it. I'm not sure how successful I would be. Probably I won't bother.

Mostly I find places to hide where no one can find me. Then I curl into a ball, close my eyes and let myself grieve for what I have given up. Truly, Bella, leaving you fells like losing the world. I am positive that I left my heart behind with you, though I can't be sure, since it doesn't beat. I hope you're looking after it.

I did try to blend into human society. Once. I won't try again. It was just so hard; so hard to keep the agony off my face, when every heartbeat reminded me of you. I was in a hotel, in Chicago. I hadn't taken a room; I just wandered in and made my way to the room where the entertainment goes on. There was a singer performing, a young girl, only about 14 or 15, with a young boy about the same age playing the guitar and harmonizing. They were good, I suppose. She sang one song that broke my focus on my expression. She said it was called 'When Your Gone' by Avril Lavigne, and it was all about the pain of losing a lover. It made me think of you, how you must have felt at the start. The singer came up to me afterward and asked if I was okay. She said she had seen me, and that I looked upset. She was trying to be polite; her mouth said upset, her mind said devastated, agonized... heartbroken. I told her I was fine, a little more coldly than strictly necessary I think, but I honestly don't care anymore.

Once again, my sincerest hope that you will find someone to make you happy again.

Happy Halloween, my darling. No. I can think of you that way no longer. You are not _mine_ anymore.

All my love forever and ever,

Edward


	3. Visiting

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**Hi All! I'm trying to get on with this as quick as pos so you've got plenty to read. Wouldn't want you to get bored****! Please, Please, PLEASE review, I really need the feedback. Thanks, luv ya!**_** Glitterb**_

_**p.s. the singer from chapter 2 will be making an appearance in another story (if I get around to writing it). All will be revealed, like why any normal human being would go near Edward in the state he was in. Look forward to it!**_

Dear Bella,

It's November now, two months and counting since our separation, though I'm not really concentrating on time.

I said last time that I left my heart behind. I'm beginning to really feel that loss now. I haven't felt anything like this in all my years. The agony of losing you doesn't compare to anything, not the influenza, or my transformation, or the burn in my throat on your first day. I feel nothing else, nothing but pain and grief and sadness.

I checked in with Carlisle last week. They are all well, getting on with things. Carlisle has a new job, working nights at a university. Esme is indulging her passion for restoration. Rosalie and Emmet have gotten married _again _and gone off on a honeymoon, to Europe. Jasper is studying philosophy, and Alice is doing research. She told me she had a sister named Cynthia, and her real name was Mary Brandon (Alice was her middle name). She seems content to stay away, as I requested, but she thinks I won't be able to keep it up for long. Well, I'll prove her wrong.

I tried a few tracking expeditions, but they didn't go well. I thought I came across something familiar just north of Seattle after my visit to Carlisle, but I couldn't place it, so I didn't bother following it, keeping to the trail I was already on. Maybe I'll try again, maybe not. I told you I would distract myself, but I don't think I can. The agony inside of me never fades; it is a thousand times worse than thirst, and no amount of distraction can take it away.

I love you forever Bella. I wish I could ask you not to forget that, but I can't, because I want you to forget me and move on. For your own good.

Be happy.

Edward


	4. Memories

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**Thanks to those you have faved this and/or added it to story alerts. Your support is welcome! Please check out my new story The Silver Necklace, there's not much in it but I will work on that. Forgive me if I get confused, I'm bit behind (writing about December in March).**

**Luv all o' ya!**

**Glitterb**

Dear Bella,

December. To you that probably means snow, cold and Christmas. To me it just means I haven't smelt your intoxicating scent or felt your comforting warmth or heard your magical heartbeat in three long, agonizing months.

The loss of you is all I can comprehend. And yet I can't blame anyone, because my pain is of my own making.

I let my mind wander, when I can't stop myself, over the time we had together, all the wonderful feelings and sights; your warm little body in my arms when I showed you myself in the sun the first time; the thrill I got when I kissed you, and how, despite myself, I was happy you reacted the way you did; your scent, like freesia, so floral and sweet; how beautiful you looked at prom; every smile and every glare, every word, every tender 'I love you', all cemented into my head forever. All of my happy memories of my little fallen angel.

Nothing is happening. Nothing, nothing and more nothing. I thought high school was boring, but this is ten times worse because I know _why _my life seems empty. Without my Bella, life is dead.

I was thinking more about who could take my place in your life. I decided that the perfect person, though I hate to admit it, is that Jacob Black boy. Loving him would be more natural for you; he's already your friend, and he likes you a lot, I saw it his head whenever he was near you. He is the natural course of your life. He is what you should love.

Merry Christmas, my angel.

Edward


	5. Victoria

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**Almost done! It's a little sad, but once this is finished, I can get on with some other stuff. Just three more letters to go.**

**Thanks to all my amazing readers, especially those who take the time to review and let me know their thoughts. I love reviews, they keep me writing and make me HAPPY! **** It's so rewarding when people like your work, you want to hear about it.**

**(Translation: REVIEW!)**

**Luv all a ya**

**Glitterb**

Dear Bella,

I hope you are well and that the New Year brings happiness and love to your world. Unfortunately, events of the last few weeks have made January '06 a black month for me; or rather, blacker than usual.

I encountered that familiar scent again, the one I was sure I recognised, but couldn't place. This time, I was much closer to the source, so I found it easily.

Victoria.

Just thinking her name makes me want to tear her to pieces. I am improving at tracking (marginally), and I think I will be able to catch up to her. I want her out of this world so that you can be safe. Most likely she doesn't know we have left, and if she finds out, she might decide to pop in on the Cullen's little human 'pet'. Disgusting leech.

God, I sound like a werewolf.

I can't write much, I need to get back on her trail. She's headed south, I think, to Texas, which will put both of us at a slight disadvantage. It's so sunny there; we will only be able to come out at night without being spotted.

I _will_ make you safe again. I will get rid of Victoria, and you will never be affected by my world ever again. My family are keeping their promises. Pretty soon, nothing will be able to touch you.

I love you.

Edward


	6. Weakening

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**Once again, I am getting loads done in a short space of time. I don't know why, maybe I'm just productive today. This is the second letter I have done today, and I also finished off another chapter of The Silver Necklace and went on an editing spree. You will find that pretty much every chapter of every story has been checked, corrected and improved.**

**Why do I do these things? Oh right! Because...**

**I luv all a ya!**

**Tee hee!**

**Glitterb**

Dear Bella,

February. Valentine's Day and the first anniversary of your arrival in Forks. Not that I can really celebrate. I'm in Mexico, on Victoria's trail, _trying_ to follow her down to Brazil. Stupid sunshine is making things difficult.

The longer I go, the more unbearable my loneliness becomes. Alice is right; I can't keep this up for much longer. I have to be determined that you deserve a better life if I stand any chance of making it through the rest of the 60 odd years ahead of me. Once you leave this world, Bella, life will have no more meaning. I will be right behind you. Though we can never meet again.

You will undoubtedly go to heaven; you have always been so kind and selfless. I, on the other hand, am a soulless monster who deserves nothing less than the torment that is waiting for me in hell. I don't care what Carlisle says.

Probably you are with someone new by now. Jacob, most likely, but then, what do I know about the way your brain works? It could just as easily be Mike or Eric or even Tyler; any of the boys in your class really. You are so beautiful, you can take your pick.

I hope you find a nice Valentine. I am sorry it can never be me.

All my love for eternity (you still have my heart, remember).

Edward


	7. Goodbye

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**This one is set after Edward gets the dreaded call from Rosalie. Not sure why I chose to write this, I just did (deal with it). There will be one more chapter after this, a little different from others, and then I will be done with Dear Bella.**

**Unless you guys want more (?)**

**TELL ME! I love reviews.**

**Glitterb**

Dear Bella,

Why am I writing this? There's no way it will ever be read. But, if you're going to be rational, why did I write any of these things when I wasn't going to send them.

Life is meaningless since I hung up the phone four hours ago. Rosalie, calling to tell me Alice is in Forks. Telling me why. Telling me what Alice saw.

Why Bella? Why would you do something like that? What about Charlie, and Renée, and Jacob? I thought you would be happy. I thought you would be safe. You promised me, Bella, you promised you would keep yourself safe and not do anything reckless, and then you throw yourself off a cliff.

I'm totally lost. I can barely summon the strength to keep going. But I have to get to Italy. I can't live in a world without you, Bella, I just can't. If Aro won't grant me what I'm going to ask him, I'll do something to make it impossible for him not to kill me. I don't know what. I'll probably think more when I have their answer.

I can never follow you. Not really. I can never go to heaven with you.

I love you. I wish it was enough to bring you back, but nothing can do that now.

Goodbye, my only love.

Edward


	8. Reunion

**This story was inspired by the Westlife song 'Home'. I listened to it and thought it fit perfectly with Edward's feelings when he is away during New Moon. There is a line at the start of verse 3 (see below) and it made me think, what if Edward wrote Bella letters while he was away? What if he did, never meaning to send them, just to get it off his chest? This is what I came up with ;-)!**

**First fanfic, PLEASE review. (If you do I'll write more)**

_**This bit inspired me**_

_And I'll be keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby how are you_

_And I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_The words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

* * *

**Hey guys, this is the last chapter, so I thought I would do something a little different. So, instead of a letter, this is the Volterra reunion from Edward's POV.**

**Hope you like it, cos there's no more after this **

**Tell me if you have any requests for future stories, or prompts that I can use as inspiration. I love hearing from you!**

**Luv always (R+R)**

**Glitterb**

**p.s. Rosalie's words on the phone come direct from the new moon extra Rosalie's phone call and are copyright to Stephanie Meyer. I do not own them (unfortunately).**

The wind wiped around the plaza, sending hair and clothes flying, and blowing a hundred human scents in my direction. I barley noted the burn in my throat. It would all be over soon. No more burning. Not thirst at least. By all accounts, there was plenty of fire in Hell.

As I stood in the shadows of the alley, I thought of nothing but the end. The end of my miserable, prolonged existence. The end of the pain. The end of me. But I didn't care. Bella was dead - the words stabbed my heart, though I had thought them countless times over the last 24 hours - and a world without her was completely pointless. Living without her was torture. But at least then there had been a possibility, a chance of seeing her again. And there was the thought that she could be happy, keeping me going. Knowing that there was no chance, that she wasn't happy, was unbearable - I couldn't bear it.

Rosalie's words echoed around my head again, effectively blocking out the mental chatter in a million different languages that I wasn't listening to anyway.

_She's dead Edward._

_I'm... sorry. You have a right to know though, I think. Bella... threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him-_

That was when I turned my phone off.

Now I stood here, waiting for the clock to chime and signal my end.

I shrugged out of my tattered shirt and dumped it on the floor just as the first chime rang through the square, bouncing off the tiles and sienna walls and coming back double the volume. To my sensitive vampire ears, the noise was deafening. I thought I heard something, almost drowned out by the chime; a voice, hoarse but familiar, calling my name.

So familiar. I listened, trying to hear past the chime. There was definitley something there. I listened harder.

Heavy breathing.

Pounding feet.

Hands pushing against the crowd.

A heartbeat, racing with exertion.

A sound I had heard so many times before.

I closed my eyes and let a small smile play at the corners of my mouth.

Edward Cullen, the world's first crazy vampire.

My mind was obviously giving me what I wanted. Because there was no way that was really Bella's heartbeat I could hear. The clock was so loud, I could just as easily have imagined it. I could still hear her voice, calling my name, calling out to me. I let myself imagine, just for the fun of it, that she was really calling _to_ me, calling out for me to come to her. I let myself imagine that I _could_ go to her, that it was possible; that I could go to heaven, and see my Bella.

As the ninth chime boomed from the clock, I took a step forward.

"No Edward, look at me!" the voice cried, still faint, still hidden. Still just my imagination.

_I'm coming my love. _I thought, as the clock tolled again and I lifted my foot to take the final step.

Something hit me, slamming into my chest with enough force that whoever it was knocked the air from their lungs and almost toppled. My hands instinctively went out to catch them.

This wasn't right. I had expected the force to come from behind, a pull, strong enough to move me. And a large, muscled figure; Felix or someone like him, someone with enough strength to finish me off. The person in my arms was small, shorter than me, and slight. I felt long hair brush against my hand. What on earth?

I opened my eyes, slowly... and stared in wonder.

For Bella was in my arms.

Her head was tilted back, staring up at me with desperate, wide eyes, the same beautiful shade of chocolate brown as my memories. So much was in those eyes; desperation, panic, fear, exhaustion ... and something else, something I couldn't quite place - pain?

Her face looked different, thinner, more drawn; but still more gorgeous than anything I had ever seen in all my years. There were dark circles under her eyes, like she hadn't slept well. Her skin was even paler than I remembered, almost as pale as mine. Her hair was a mess, but I didn't care.

"Amazing," I said - reasoning that, since I was dead, I might as well speak my thoughts, "Carlisle was right."

"Edward," Bella breathed, barely making a noise, "you have to get back into the shadows. You have to move."

I didn't know what she meant, so I chose to ignore her, instead brushing my hand along her cheek. It was pink, as always, despite her unusually pale complexion. Her hands pressed against my bare chest, so warm and comforting.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing. They're very good."

I kissed her hair softly, inhaling the perfect scent that had evaded me for seven long months. My memories, though precise, were nothing compared to the real thing.

"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." I quoted, remembering our afternoon long ago, watching Romeo and Juliet in Charlie's little living room. The final chime boomed around us, but nothing could distract me from the angel in my arms.

My throat burned, aching just like that first day; her scent blown towards me as she passed the heating duct in Biology, hitting me so hard it almost knocked me flying. Thinking of her as a demon, come straight out of hell to ruin my years of self-denial. And giving me a reason to live.

"You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead," Bella interjected, cutting me off. The sound of her voice almost distracted me from her words. Almost. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" panic was evident in her tone, as she wriggled in my arms, trying to move me.

I frowned. "What was that?"

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

As she spoke, I heard the distinctive mental voices of Felix and Demetri behind us. Spinning Bella around away from the sunshine, I pressed her back against the alley wall, and spread my arms in front of her.

Though the danger was still very real, and very close, I suddenly felt at peace.

I was protecting the one I loved, standing between her and danger.

I was back with my Bella.

Back where I belonged.

THE END.


End file.
